6 worst types of cold email people (and how to be better) – Kings of Conversion

6 worst types of cold email people (and how to be better)

by

Who wants to watch me rip apart awful cold messages today?

🙋

🙋

🙋

As someone who’s used cold email to land $100K+jobs, get dozens of clients, write blog posts in big name publications, and secure royalty deals, I have a soft spot for cold outreach done well. 

But I can’t stand bad cold emails. 

And I don’t know what’s happened recently, but over the last few days, I’ve been getting an INORDINATE amount of pitches. 

Like 5-10 times more than normal.

From people that want to do everything from sponsor The Freelance Copywriting Summit to guest post pitches for my blog to… I honestly don’t even know what this is: 

And they all stink. 

Instead of just hitting delete, I thought it would be fun to rip these messages to shreds.

So let me introduce you to 6 types of terrible cold emailers. Each is horrible in their own unique way. Don’t be like any of them.

Terrible Cold Emailer #1 – The Sloppy Copy-Paster 

A couple days ago, I got this message from Adam S. who had this to say: 

Other than this being completely weird to send someone you’ve never met before, nothing super alarming right?

Well, let’s let a couple days go by and see what happens.

Here’s what he sent me the next:

Notice how we’ve gone from connecting to discussing an “opportunity.”



And did anybody catch the big no-no?



Adam is now Jonathan!

hahahah!


My guess is he’s copy and pasting this message from some sheet and just totally missed the name piece at the bottom. 

But it’s really sloppy work and honestly not meriting a response. 



Adam-turned-Jonathan’s grade: F-

Terrible Cold Emailer #2 – The “I’m gonna make YOU do the work”-er

Every couple of days, I get a message like this: 

What drives me crazy is if these people would take just 2 seconds to read my profile or look me up, they would see the way to get in contact with me for work is through my agency’s website. 

Also, I run an A.G.E.N.C.Y.

Which means I don’t just do solo gigs at the drop of a hat. 

But I can get past that.

The most egregious part of this email is the fact that she needs ME and wants me to do work for her!



She says, “Send me your samples”

You’re kidding me, right?!


My guess is the response rate on this email is astronomically low. And what’s worse is, it’s never going to attract a skilled writer like you and me. 



We like to be wined and dined a bit. We like to feel wanted and special.



Not… whatever this is. 

Grade: F

Terrible Cold Emailer #3 – The Fearful CTA

If you’re going to send someone a cold email, do not be afraid to ask for what you want like this guy: 

I’m sure he had good intentions, but a weak CTA doesn’t just lower your response rate. It makes it feel like you’re carpet-blasting this message out to 100 different people.

Also imagine how much more powerful this message would have been if he called attention to 3 things on my website that he knows he could help improve design wise. 

It would make me feel like he got me and could solve my problems. 

But instead, he makes me look at a bunch of site designs in his portfolio and hopes I just think, “yep that’s what I want.”


Grade: D-

Terrible Cold Emailer #4 – The Time-Waster

Look at this awful message I got from Jason G. 

It seems harmless on the surface but what it really is is a gigantic waste of time.



He’s hoping to bait me into responding to what’s a pretty easy-going message and then he’ll transition to the pitch hard AF. 

I’ve seen this play out and don’t have time for that kind of nonsense for that (and neither do you).



A much better approach would be to be friendly but direct about the ask in the first point of contact.

Grade: F-

Terrible Cold Emailer #5 – The HARD Closer

Here’s an easy way to get your message trashed right away…. 

Come in guns blazing with what’s so obviously a pitch, that’s devoid of any personality and copy that misses the mark. 



Here’s a prime example of this: 

Erik’s copy is CRINGE. Did he seriously just cold pitch me a webinar? 

And so assumptive. Actually my answer to every one makes me the WRONG fit for his offer. 



But he doesn’t care. He’s blasting this out to hundreds of people per day. 



My guess? It’s only a matter of before he gets his email account permanently in spam with content like that. 

Grade: F-

Terrible Cold Emailer #6 – The Relentless Follow-Up-er

I actually had to block this guy because he wouldn’t stop messaging me. But count ‘em. 

That’s 18 messages he sent without me ever engaging with them. 

I couldn’t even screenshot all of them.

That’s not cold emailing. That’s harassment. 

If you’re going to follow up, don’t do it that much and be creative about it.

Most of his messages were… “Did you see my last message?”



“Actually Tom it’s this weird internet glitch where it didn’t go through … could you try again 17 more times!?!!!”



hahaha. 

Grade: Triple F – – 

These are some of the most egregious cold email practices that guarantee you won’t get a response. 

The good news: Most people are so, so bad and if you can course correct just a little, you will instantly stand out and get your messages heard.

Okay, enough destroying for one day.

Want to see my 8 Rules For Doing Cold Email right? 



>>Click here to read them.